Such an Auspicious Start

Well, I've done a great job of blogging a little thing everyday, huh? Pbbt. So here goes.

When Renna wakes up in the morning or from a nap, Jamie goes to her and says, "Hello, Renna. Did you have a rest? Do you feel good?" And gives her a hug and/or a kiss.

Renna has started whimpering like a dog when she's disgruntled. And she sounds just like a dog! I'm not sure why she started this, but she's clearly been taking lessons from Sophie.

They both love McDonald's chicken nuggets and french fries. They eat really well when they get to have it.

They like to play hide and seek with their trains. Jamie hides them while Renna hides her eyes, then they both go looking for them.

Going to Try

I'm going to try to post something everyday. Something cute or awesome or otherwise wonderful about Jamie and Renna. It's so easy to forget the wonderful little things they do and I'd like to be able to look back and read about the endearing things they did. Plus, on days when they have been trying my patience, pushing their limits, and acting out, it'll be good to take a minute to remember the sweet things they did that day.

Jamie has been screeching all day long. He's playing stories in his mind based on Scooby Doo episodes and acting them out. This is not the good thing he did today, but it is very cool to see his imagination taking off. The cute thing he did today happened when he was sitting next to Daniel. He turned to Daniel and said, "I'm sad because you're leaving soon to go home to Rachel." Aw. He loves his Uncle Daniel and has really enjoyed his light-heartedness and his easy going nature. They've had a lot of fun together.

Jamie has been acting out lately because Michael has been working all day everyday for several weeks trying to get his dissertation done. So he hasn't gotten much time with his Dada. So tonight Dada gave them their bath and is reading stories. Jamie didn't want anyone else to do anything for him, just his Dada.

Renna had her pediatrician appointment this morning. She's on the 6% for weight (22.8 lbs), 92% for height (35.5"), and 96% for head circumference (49.5 cm). So since 4 months old when she thinned out she's continuing to track 5-15% for weight, and since birth has tracked over 90% in height and 95-97% for head circumference. She freaked out when the nurse laid her down to take her height, and didn't forgive them. After getting the lollipop and sticker she was much happier.

The cute thing Renna did today happened while we were out shopping. We started to drive off from the shoe store (where they were both maniacs having lots of fun chasing each other and running around), and I turned to check for cars while backing out of the parking space and noticed Renna had this odd expression on her face. She was totally incredulous. She wasn't strapped into her car seat. So I pulled back into the space, and she got strapped in. That seemed to make her happy.

Renna is totally potty trained now, including at night and while out. She had a small accident this morning in bed. She started to pee, stopped herself and ran to the potty. The other accident she had was last week. She was sick, had a long nap and peed in her sleep. While we had her in diapers at night (for a month) she didn't use a single diaper or have a single accident. I got her to use the toilet the other day instead of the little potty, so soon enough she'll be using that instead. And we'll only have flushing to do instead of flushing and cleaning out the potty.

My Mother

I know everyone on Rav already knows how awesome my mom is. But I thought it would be nice to say it again. She's a wonderful person, a generous and loving soul. She is happy to do anything to help any one of us, Michael, the kids, me. She works harder than she has to, and doesn't rest and relax as much as she should. We're working on that. We got her a camera because she's interested in photography and think it would be a good new hobby to take up. I'm continuing to enable her knitting, most especially her newly acquired sock knitting habit, as well. Because of her we all have a better life, together. The kids are more secure and confident because they have her. When I take too long to do/get something for them, they go to Nana because they know they can go to her and she'll take care of them. They don't even question it. They love her very much. And so do I. And so does Michael. When she was in the hospital, Jamie and Renna wanted to know where she was and when she was coming home. When they got to see her, it made everything okay and they could wait until she came home. I'm who I am in large part because of her. She's never been perfect, but she's always been perfect for me. I love you, Mama. Happy Mother's Day.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is tomorrow. We celebrated last weekend because Michael went to Kristin's graduation. But of course when we did celebrate I thought about the kids a lot. I sobbed through mass thinking about my Charlie. I thought about how lucky I am to have Jamie and Renna, both of them alive and well and happy loving children. How lucky we are that we still have Jamie despite almost losing him twice. How lucky we are that Renna is the epitome of perfect health. Seriously, she's hardly ever sick and when she is she has the mildest case in the family. How lucky we are that Charlie was with us for any amount of time, even if it was too short. How lucky we are that BorG4 is on the way and with God's blessings and Nature's cooperation we'll have him/her in our arms and thriving before the anniversary of Charlie's death. I'm a mother. I'm a mother 4 times over. Life began 4 times.

Created April 8th, 2007.

Created September 20th, 2008.

Created September 5th, 2010.

Created March 20th, 2011.

One life we clutched from death twice. One life is the epitome of good health. One life was taken too soon. One life is mostly just a promise and dreams. But they are my children. They all bring me sadness. They all bring me fear. They all bring me joy. And they all make life infinitely more meaningful and satisfying than anything else in the world.

Lent

For Lent I'm not giving up anything. Friends and family agree I've given up enough already. So I'm doing something for myself. I haven't been able to write in Charlie's journal or write up his birth story so that's what I'm going to do. For an hour a day or every other day, but no less often, I'm going to have time alone for reflection. I'll write in the journal, knit, think, reflect, meditate. It'll be time for me to just be.

Kelsey - That'll Do

My sweet Kelsey, more wolf than herder, left us to be with her mama Brandy and her friends Tigger and Murphy. I'm sure Brida is there, too, shaking her head at all the fuss they're surely making. Hopefully they're all playing with Charlie and watching over us. Kelsey was always a wild one, spirited and fun loving. She was a fierce protectress of her pack. We miss her very much.

She started to decline in health before Murphy left, then got better for a while to pick up the slack in protection duties that he left behind. Then after Tigger, she started to fade again, until we brought home Sophie. She then taught Miss Sophie Sunshine all she knew about being the alpha dog, and they snuggled a lot. Then at the end of November, we nearly lost her and found out she had laryngeal paralysis. We treated her with sedatives and changed our patterns to keep her calmer. We even put a sign up on the door that said, "Quiet please, baby sleeping" so anyone coming to the house wouldn't knock on the door. Then Saturday February 5th, she had a bad attack. We all sat with her and waited for the sedative to kick in. We stroked her haid and tried to keep her calm, and she was happy with us being there. The next day, we decided to not go knitting as we usually do. About an hour before we were going to get ready for mass, she had another attack. But this one was worse. We gave her the full dose and waited, trying to calm her, stroking her fur, but she couldn't seem to get really calm. I felt her heart was becoming erratic, and even thud really hard once, and I knew she needed more help. So we bundled her up to go to the vet's office but before we could even get her in the car, she was gone. There hadn't been enough time for the sedative to get into her bloodstream and work. Less than half an hour after it started, she was gone. Her attack was sudden and out of the blue with no excitement to trigger it. I guess it was just time for her to go home.

She was our fierce defender. I feel like she gave to us more than I gave to her. I didn't always appreciate her the way I should have. She worked hard to be our guardian. But she doesn't have to anymore.



You were a good girl, Kelsey. You were the best protector and worked hard to keep us safe. That'll do, girl. Go play with your Brandy now.

Bad Poetry

Before I heard your heart, you owned mine.
I dreamed about your face, and imagined your first smile.
I dreamed of the hours we’d spend nursing, your hand wrapped around my thumb.
I dreamed how you’d play with your brother and sister,
And the mischief you’d get into.
While I dreamed of our life together, you were already slipping away.
Before I knew you existed, you were already dying.
Some will forget you, but we never will.
You held on to our bond and grew happily, unaware of time running out.
It seems to some that you were just a dream.
But you were real to me.
You were real, and you were perfect,
And always will be.