St. Patrick's Day and Easter

Okay, I never really blog anymore, but I'm still terribly busy with all the aforementioned tasks. And I've started my TA duties again, so there's even more to do. And I feel like I'm behind in everything, even though that's not really true. I'm behind where I'd like to be, not where I need to me, so it's okay. Anyway. I ripped back the scarf I was making for Mama because I didn't like it and am trying something else. I'm doing 4 rows of stockinette and then reversing the "front" side of stockinette to make it reversible and keep it from rolling up all one way.

My boy is growing really fast. He now looks like a young boy, not a baby, even though he's getting a double chin. He seems to be over his colic. I'm now knocking on wood (quietly because he's sleeping), please do the same. He is getting very adept at many things. He can almost sit up without assistance. He really likes sitting up and seeing things. He knows the word "baba" for bottle, and telling him, "Baba? Baba coming" makes it easier for him to wait for the bottle as we heat it up. He really likes it that he gets breast milk most of the time. He smiles all the time now, and even laughs pretty frequently. It's a soft laugh, no squeals, yet. He doesn't usually get fussy during mass unless there's too long a time between songs. He listens for my voice and loves to hear me sing with the piano. Perhaps he'll be a musician.

Pumping has made breastfeeding so much easier, and I can provide breast milk for him without supplementing now, although we still do when we're out. I figured out why I was having such milk supply issues. Jamie doesn't drain the breast completely, just until the flow slows. Then he gets impatient and has a fit. This is likely because we had to supplement from the very beginning, but what can you do? There were just too many complications to have avoided the c-section and the complications from the c-section made it necessary to supplement him. But we've made it together, and I don't grieve over how his birth went anymore. I've worked hard to give him the best I can and it's paying off and he's happy. That's all that matters.

(Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), but my doctor said it was impossible for legal reasons. I asked a bunch of questions, and she didn't really give me answers. From what I could gather from her, if the uterus does rupture during an attempted I'm thinking of becoming a doula. Not full time, mind you, but once a month is very doable. My friend Bridget is training to become a doula and she's gotten me into it. Doulas are very helpful for women in labor, and I'm beginning to think it's important to have one with any birthing mother, even if she's had 10 kids before. There is an instructor in the area and at the local hospital, so if it's possible to go through the classes before my friend Julie has her baby, I'll do it. I'd like to have a doula with me the next time I have a baby. I'm also interested in doing a VBACVBAC, the result is just another c-section, not death of the mother or the baby, but of course the "risk remains" for both. And the incidence of rupture occurs in only 1% of VBACs. But they don't do them anymore because if the rupture occurs and there's any delay in the cesarean then they can be sued. Which doesn't make sense to me because the incidence of VBACs is up, according to all the other literature I've read. Anyway, I have a lot of time to consider the options before I actually need to make a decision. And we already have the names picked out for the next baby. Parenthood agrees with us.

It's been a bit rough for me the past couple of days. Two years ago at Easter, I lost someone I loved very much. She was taken from me with only brief warning. Her absence in my life is profound even though everything about my life has completely changed. I try not to think about this because my grief is still almost too much to bear, but it was brought to mind after reading a knitting blog. I was reading a blog I read pretty regularly, and she brought up the loss of someone she loved who reminded me of my friend. And so I began to be depressed. But I try to remember to have faith, and to treasure the time I have with those still near, especially Jamie, and I feel better able to cope. At mass on Sunday, the priest said to call to mind the ways in which God has blessed us, and I thought how God had blessed me best when he gave me Jamie, and I was comforted. Hopefully Jamie will know one day, that he is my blessing.